I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
