if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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