Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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