If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize