dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
