My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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