so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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