you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
