just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
