You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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