wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
