at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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