We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Randomize
