Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
