Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
