nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
