oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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