Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
