sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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