The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
