summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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