He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
