Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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