Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
