i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
smell my finger.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
