Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
