I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize