You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
