Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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