Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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