i don't like sucking hair
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize