just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
