if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have aggressive nipples.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
