i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
