u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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