I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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