my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
