Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so that wasnt chicken after all
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
