Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
