Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
