Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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