You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
