I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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