so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
