bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
