I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
