You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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