direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i believe in u and ur pee
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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