Got a toothbrush?
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
