new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
