I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
