why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
