Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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