I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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