college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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