Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
