I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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