i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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