his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
