I think I died a long time ago.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
