He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
