I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
