these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
