You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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