Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
