Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
