I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize