One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
