She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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