Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
