I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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