no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
