you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
