Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
