I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
